The most fascinating observation from my health and fitness career is how women perceive and speak about the female body – experiencing body envy to the degree that we project appreciation for other women’s bodies, but not for our own.

I guess what I am saying is, women often see in others, what they cannot see in themselves. And that’s what this article is about.

‘I want her body’

The women I train often see each other in passing; as one finishes her session and another begins. We often catch up for breakfasts or they see each other on social media.

One client expresses to me how absolutely beautiful the other is. Their shape, muscularity, height, hair, legs, abs, etc – they envy her. But the funny thing is, the women they envy, are saying the same thing about them.

It happens all the time.

The fitness industry, just like the beauty industry, is flooded with images of the ‘perfect’ body, but who defines what is perfect?

Is it the woman with a huge butt, small waist, and massive boobs?

Is it the pro fitness model with round muscle, a shredded stomach and an unmoving face? She poses perfectly every time, all her photos are curated and nothing ever looks out of place.

In my teens, it was the supermodel – skinny, fierce, gorgeous, rich, untouchable. The tiny celebrity with perfect hair and a beaming personality.

In the 50’s, a fuller figure was desired. So, what gives?

The ‘perfect’ body is the one you feel happy in.

Having judged my own body so harshly all my life, based on media and women who were just way skinner than I was (when being skinny seemed to be important), I have dived pretty deeply into this body image topic and come to the conclusion that the perfect body is the one you feel happy in.

And to be happy in that body, you’re probably going to have to let go of what society told you to be.

You’re probably going to have to listen to your loved ones who tell you you’re the most beautiful person they know.

Personally, when I love someone, I don’t even look at their bodies, let alone cast judgement. All I see is radiance, freedom, love, courage, or whatever character trait she has that I love so much.

I guarantee you, your friends (if they’re worth having) are doing the exact same thing to you.

Your significant other thinks you’re perfect, too.

Envying another highlights the shadows within ourselves.

When you compliment another, but cannot see in yourself what others love in you, this is shadow projection. You are not able to see the beauty in yourself but your body and mind crave it (you lost it somewhere, somehow), and so you see in others what you don’t see in yourself.

It’s astounding to see how many women approach their health and fitness journey in an attempt to be someone else, or to look like someone else. But consider this – if we all looked the same would it still be considered beautiful?? Or would it then become plain and boring?

It is hard to develop or maintain a healthy body image in a world that has so much exposure to media which makes you feel inadequate, by design.

Know that if you’re feeling inadequate physically, your body is screaming for you to work on that from within. Another change on the outside will not ease that feeling for you.

To dive deep into body image, check out my program Beyond the Body – it’s amazing and explores this topic, including the origins of negative body image – in much more detail.

To close, know that in my experience as a ‘gym junkie’ and as a personal trainer, lifting weights is one of the most empowering things a woman can do. It not only gives us some control over the shape of our bodies, but it strengthens the mind and increases your overall confidence.

The benefits aren’t only physical; eating nourishing foods to fuel your body will also allow you to think more clearly. You will be surprised how much poor food choices drain your body’s energy and cloud your perception.

So if you struggle with your own body image do yourself a favour and change the way you look at yourself. Try and embrace the things that make you different from the women around you.

We all have the ability to turn our bodies into our own masterpiece (inside first, outside as a bonus!).

I consider myself to be sooo lucky, as I get to see these transformations every day.

Be your own kind of beautiful.

Jen X