Unrealistic expectations lie at the bottom of most failed goal realisations, so, we require realistic expectations if we are to succeed in anything.

There are three things things we may get stuck on when it comes to this; 

1. We have no social proof to lean on (never saw anyone else do it)
2. We feel too far away from it before we even begin (impossible, anyone?!)
3. We deep down know the end result is unattainable for us personally (because, its ridiculous, really).

For a goal to be reached it really needs to be something we believe we can achieve deep down.

We often need social proof, which is a real-life example of someone who has started where we are starting, and who has ended where we want to end. 

We need a blue-print as such, one we can follow to ensure our success. 

Another factor is the personal cost as the road to our goals takes effort, can often lead to lost friendships, us having to set difficult boundaries and it takes up one of the most valuable assets of all, time.

So if you think of it like that; who wants to dedicate a heap of time to something that we don’t know is possible for us, which may come with negative consequences, and where we aren’t sure on the exact steps we need to take to get there? 

Nobody does!

This probably sounds confusing already, which is the exact reason I am bringing it up. Confusion and insecurity is a sure-fire way to have unmet dreams and unrealised goals. 

Let’s go a little deeper here (in case we didn’t go deep enough). 

Why do we set unrealistic goals? 

1. Miss-information and a lack of personal education, 
2. The idea that something bigger than us lies on the other side, and 
3. What I like to call ‘magical thinking’

Let’s go through those one by one, and unpack what I mean by each of them. 

Misinformation is in the way of realistic expectations.

This is the biggest one. There was once a time where you needed to be qualified to express your opinion, working your way up the ranks to some level of expertise, where you would then become a thought leader, author, producer of some kind. From here, your qualified peers would deem you an expert and you would be thrust into the spotlight to share your message with the world. This message is based on years of both research and practical application. 

Enter social media. Now you can just decide to be an expert. That’s right! You can self-declare it. 

Furthermore, you are in control of how everyone sees you, and thus also somewhat in control of their perception of you. With the right marketing, wording and photoshop, you can promote yourself as someone others should listen to, whether your message is helpful or just down-right dangerous. 

You don’t know what you’re doing, and this is the problem. Most often, what seems easy is most likely to be listened to. A real expert is going to tell you an unpopular truth, such as; 

• No, you can’t get that body without steroids
• No, you will never be that strong
• Cutting out carbs is going to be damaging in the long run and it won’t necessarily lead to weight loss,
• Veganism will prevent you from putting on muscle, no matter how hard you train. 

A self-declared expert is one of those people who has had success with something they have done, and as they don’t coach other people, they really have no idea that it doesn’t work for everyone. Nor do they care. If they want to make money, they will sell their message, and it is going to sound better than any expert opinion, as it will seem easier for you to do

If you’ve seen that meme about unpleasant truths vs comforting lies, this is what I am talking about: 

This is why the pharmaceutical industry is so powerful, as they offer solutions that numb symptoms but with zero accountability about actually reclaiming your health. Reclaiming your health takes effort, but taking a pill is easy. 

If you’re feeling a bit like misinformation is getting in the way for you, check out my Women’s Health Academy, where I have addressed every topic pertaining to women’s health – mindset, nutrition, training, and the nervous system – in one comprehensive self-coaching membership platform!

How, then, do you set realistic expectations?

You get educated. More on that in the next video!

Let’s quickly unpack further into why we have unrealistic expectations. We know there is misinformation everywhere, but why do we fall for it? Deep down we probably know that much of what we see online is untrue. I like to call this ‘magical thinking’, and it has to do with what we believe lies on the other side. 

I learned of this term (magical thinking) whilst researching complex PTSD – something I was diagnosed with in my early 20’s. Essentially, magical thinking is a coping strategy, something we do in order to protect ourselves from uncomfortable truths. 

Firstly, we project into the future about what would make us happy, based on what we think and see around us – a big house, a hot, lean body, and nice car, a big wedding and, maybe a few babies. We do this because life can be hard, and we want to believe that it can get better. 

It can get better, but being realistic is a part of this, because by reaching goals we become; 

• Stronger
• More confident
• Trusting of ourselves, 
• Self-assured, 
• More willing to take measured risks, and
• Ready to conquer literally anything that comes up in front of us

What’s not to want about that? The problem is that a goal needs to be realistic before we go about achieving it. Otherwise, we may be left feeling; 

• Defeated
• Embarrassed
• Unhappy
• Frustrated, and
• Angry

So, we already know that by getting educated you can set better goals, and we will come to that soon. But what can you do right now?

This is cliche and you may have heard of it, but we set SMART goals; 

• Specific 
• Measurable 
• Attainable
• Relevant 
• Time-bound

This means we know exactly what we are wanting to achieve, we can measure our progress as we pursue it, we know it’s attainable for us personally, its relevant to our lives and future vision, and it is bound to time, so there is a point in time where we can see that we have achieved it. 

It’s that simple! Run your goals through those pointers to ensure you have realistic expectations, and don’t set out to pursue one until you have established that it can fit within each of those pointers.

If you prefer the video version, click on the image below;

I hope that helps!

Jen x